This post ran on April Fool's Day, FYI
DDOT announced today via press release plans to create a new bicycle buddy program that they hope will serve as a model for the rest of the country.
DDOT has always thought of commuters and DDOT as part of the same team, and so we're proud to introduce the first true bicyclist support program. As the creators of the first bike share system in North America, DDOT has a reputation for changing the game when it comes to cycling as transportation, and our new bike buddy program is no different.
"DDOT has a long history of transportation innovation," said DDOT Director Leif Dormsjo, "such as with bikesharing and also that other thing. And I suppose this is something like that."
As part of its new effort DDOT will be hiring a staff of over 100 bicycle buddies who will meet commuters during rush hour and assist them in their commute. Buddies, called DDOTiques, will provide an assortment of services. They will retrieve coffee, food or water from that individual's support car (commuters must provide their own support cars). Should someone suffer a mechanical breakdown or flat tire, they will hand the commuter their bike or wheel and allow them to return to their commute with minimal delay - often with a push to get them going. DDOTiques will also ride in front of commuters helping to set the pace and allowing them to ride in their slipstream, saving precious energy for that 9:00 am team meeting when seconds can be the difference between standing on the podium with a creme filled donut or slumming it on the sidelines with some sort of powdered monstrosity.
DDOTiques, will ride between commuters and cars to give them protection. They will be trained in the proper way to bang a car's hood (with a fist, not palm down. A fist is smaller than an open hand and looks less threatening to drivers that don’t know you) and will receive over 20 hours of instruction in cursing and fist shaking - in both the classroom and the field.
DDOTiques will be the finest finger-givers in the United States, rivaling even those found in European cities like Amsterdam, Copenhagen and Portland.
In order to pay for the program, the fine for parking in the bike lane will be raised to $23,000.