Why not have an adventure?

The following post is a paid advertisement (or an April Fool's Day post, you decide)

The Adventure Cyclist Association wants to know if you're ready for an adventure, and if you have what it takes.

Why have a staycation when you can have a vamoscation? Why sit at home, where you can be predictably located, when you can cover a lot of distanced with ACA and a license-plate free bicycle. That's right, a bicycle is a great way to see the country while you ride away from wherever you are now. And with ACA, we promise that your bicycle adventure will be one you never forget - unless you want to (we can arrange that).

Each adventure will include amenities you will truly appreciate:

• Sleep under the stars, where no one asks for ID or to see a credit card
• Want to grow a beard? Great idea, and there's no better time than on your adventure
• Ride on quiet back roads, free of dangerous cars and suspicious law enforcement types. 
• Pay for food with cash, or just dig it out of dumpster. Never dumpster dived before? We'll teach you!

And if you're worried that we're going to go soft on you, don't be. We'll ride every single day until your adventure is over. When you get tired, your guide will be there to remind you that "we really need to keep moving."

Every adventure is tailor made for you, you're goals, your budget* and your predicament. Whatever your destination - Mexico, Canada, a remote cabin in New Hampshire, or even an Omaha Cinnabon - feel secure knowing that our experienced guides know exactly how to get you there without any "entanglements."

So whether you're a recently unmasked meth-manufacturing kingpin, a former National Security Adviser who told a few innocent fibs about Russia or just another gal who faked her own death for the insurance money rest assured that ACA will never ask you about that (and you should definitely not tell us. You're just on a bike trip as we see it, Jonah, and that's what we'll tell anyone who asks). 

So start your adventure today (seriously, time is not your friend). 

*Price depends on factors like distance, your fitness level and attention you've already attracted. Cash only. Up front. In small, unmarked bills. 

Comments

[Toon]

I'm ready to leave tonight (can't travel by day because of NSA satellite surveillance). I'll have $20,000 in small bills. Meet at Hanssen Bridge in Foxstone Park at 11:59?